Halloween 2010

Batman and a Fairy

Making silly faces

Our pumpkins: Conrad's is the bottom, he insisted on 4 bats in his pumpkin, so that's what he got and I guess 4 was 3 too many. :( Amelia wanted a cat. Josh's was the silly face and mine was the classic scary jack-o-lantern. We were just in a hurry to get them finished! The kids were super tired and we just wanted them to get to bed.

Got fangs?

We got these as a party favor at Hayden's 3rd birthday party, the kids loved them!!!

Josh and I didn't dress up. I had lots of ideas, but my non-enthused husband kind of hindered my excitement for any of them. I was going to dress up solo, as a pregnant nun, but thaaaat just didn't happen. I have been putting my energy towards other things like nesting (yes, already). I've got this bug to get all the clothing ready for the first year of baby girl's life. My head is more together now than it will be after the baby gets here! Plus it's the 3rd baby, I hear scary things about getting to number 3. Gotta get things ready!

Normal again

I feel like our little family is back to normal. I don't want to jinx it, but it is nice to feel like we're regular people again.
My heart aches for McKall. Lea's latest post to McKall talks about how McKall just wants to be one of the Shepherd girls, and not have the extra attention. That is tough. Let alone being a 4-year-old and not understanding completely how people are just showing support and love.
I feel like we can blend in now when we go to church. There were a couple of new faces in our ward when the ward had a special Fast for Josh. Both Josh and I bore our testimonies that day. What a poignant day for us. It was a blessing. I feel a lot of humility and reverence when I think about that day. It was surreal, like heaven. I feel a little awkward around those people that were new the day Josh and I bore our testimonies. They probably have a label on us, or... at least they think of us a little differently.
Now it is nice, though, to just be regular folk.
Josh is doing well. He is all done in Tulsa!!! He came home early, yesterday at noon!
The wound area is healing up slowly. In the evenings he gets random sharp pains in the area. When he gets them he looks like he's being struck by lightning. It's a flashback to when it was infectious and he was constantly cringing in pain. It worries me, of course. If I recall, though, Dr. Rosenthal told Josh that he would have pain for a while (this was after the initial tumor-removal surgery), and that was part of the healing process. I am blaming it on that. I don't want to think that it could be anything else.
Josh has another MRI coming up in November. I don't know what date, but I feel good and confident that all will be well.
Josh is entering Interview Season for Residency. For y'all Utahn's, the U of U regretfully informed us that they would not be interviewing him. Not a big surprise for us. But we are excited for the places he is interviewing. We won't find out where he is doing residency until March (maybe February?).
I feel like the next 8 months are going to fly by. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, BABY, then we (hopefully) Match and find out where we are going! Then graduation, then Disneyworld (I honestly can't wrap my head around that one yet, so much to do before then), then we move (or not... depending on if Josh gets residency here in KC). And then our life changes again! I need to enjoy this time more. It's going to fly by, makes me sad. I love where we live and the friends and neighbors we have. It has been such a blessing to live where we live. I have family here, practically. My neighbors are wonderful wonderful wonderful people!!!

To sling? Or not to sling?

What is your opinion?
I'm thinking more seriously of slinging with baby #3. My hands will be a lot more full with the other 2.
Do you have a favorite baby sling? Please tell and enlighten me.
I have no idea.

The Last Week

Josh's last week of him being gone has arrived. He left yesterday around 5? Or was it 6? I don't remember. But I do remember Conrad escaping out of the house at 6:30 when I said, "Bathtime." I was upstairs filling the tub, Conrad never came up... he was pretty upset that I wouldn't let him go outside and play. He was a tired, irrational boy. Crying over everything. I was at first going to let the kids go outside to play, but after his and Amelia's signs of tired-ness, and my signs of tiredness I decided it would be best (and safer) if we all just went to bed.
Fast forward to 7 pm. I had read the kids each a book, sang songs, said prayers... and Conrad really wanted his window open. The kids still had friends outside playing and I said, "No, but I'll come check on you in 10 minutes to see if you still need your window open." Conrad, being the negotiator, asked that I come in 6 minutes. I agreed, said goodnight, and went and laid on my bed. The hardest part about bedtime is when they come out of their room and need someone to lay down the law... so I have to climb up the 13 steep stairs. Thus, my bed.
Are you guys thinking I'm self-indulgent for writing this all out? Well, my kids will appreciate it someday...
Fast forward to 8:30 pm. I wake up. Call Josh to say, "goodnight, keep driving safely...etc" and I go to bed (officially).
5:30 am, my alarm clock goes off. I snooze it. Sleep for another hour+.
Ahh, the life of a pregnant mom. Sleep just comes so easily. I thought it was supposed to be this bad only during the first trimester. Here I am, 27 weeks! I swear sometimes this girl is having seizures, she moves a ton.
p.s. I thank heaven for kids that sleep through the night. Not a sound from their room.

Oh, oops. And come Friday, Josh is home for more than just the weekend! He'll be here all November, rotating in KC. December he'll be in St. Louis, but only until the 17th. Then the final countdown really begins. Please imagine the theme music from Rocky playing now. (Conrad's favorite song!)

therapy

Alright, here goes. I've been debating talking about this on my blog. But I am addicted to your comments/moral support. And I am an open book. Don't know how many times I've said that.
Depression.
Yes, I suffer from it. I have come to terms that this is something I'll deal with my whole life. I take medicine for it. During my first 2 pregnancies I was able to go off the anti-depressants and have wonderful pregnancies. This pregnancy I was not ready to do it. With Josh's news of the cancer crap and being treated for it, I knew I shouldn't risk it. The general guideline for taking anti-depressants when you're pregnant is to go off it during the 3rd trimester, it can affect the baby's lungs and their development. So I am there. My Dr. advised me to start weaning off them on the 21st of October. Every other day, then once every 3 days... then no more. I've been dreading this time, but it's just what has to happen. And I am happy to do it, for the safety of this baby girl. Ooooh I am excited to meet her.
I always feel better after I open-up to other people via my blog or facebook or in person. On my blog it is more therapeutic, like a journal. I can type away, and then delete, and figure out a better way to say something. I am a self-conscious conversationalist. So I feel safe typing it out on my blog.
I added a blog on my sidebar under "blogs I stalk" (or whatever it says), entitled "Melancholy Smile." I was drawn to it. (Thank to Rachael, who had it on her blog). I relate with her. I watched her go through the end of pregnancy going off anti-depressants. I am so glad I got to watch her go through the same mind-tricking things that I have gone through before. And then come through, and know that it wasn't just her being immature... the depression is a real disease.
I hate it. I wish I didn't have to take medicine for it. I hate that it affects my relationship with close family members. But I have come to accept that for me, it really is a disease. I can't tell you how good it felt when I first went to the Dr. and they said that in fact, I did have depression. I was flooded with relief. My whole growing up years I was onery and mean to my siblings, I thought I just couldn't get over stuff, that I was being irrational. To realize that I had a problem chemically in my brain was joyful. I learned in seminary that Satan makes us angry. I felt like I was so weak. Why couldn't I just get over it?!? Rage filled me. Then I got upset with myself for being upset at minor things.
Anyway, so here we go. Like I've said before, pray for my kids that they survive me!

little field trip

We went to the local fire station this afternoon. It was the perfect way to break up our day. Conrad was really excited... for the first time ever he asked me to make his hair spikey. Here they are before the tour, calm as cucumbers.
As soon as we left the inside to go outside and see the firetruck my kids clung to me.

This one never let go.

nervous boy!

When they finally did the sirens just me and the kids went to the side of the building, to shield our ears. It was a tiny siren toot. Nothing big.

Conrad calmed down again after a while, enough to have his picture taken with our friends.

Amelia was calmer than Conrad.

Funny how kids are. It was fun! Thanks to our neighbor Maggie for scheduling it!

trying

to do what a mother of a ready-to-be-potty trained 2 and almost a half year old should do.
Trying to potty train.
What is wrong with me? Something is wrong with me. I have no patience. I did great today for about 5 hours, and now I am completely exhausted.
Emily B.
you are an angel.
I think I might cry for your offering to baby-sit Conrad on a moment's notice of me hyperventilating over the phone to you.
Amelia. Please please please work with me here. I know you are ready. You want to do this. Please don't make me go through what I went through with Conrad.
I cannot clean anymore poop off carpet or cribs or beds or sheets every day. I cringe when I say, "Let's go potty!" And then hear the defiant, "NO."
I've spent almost $75 to train you. A doll that is supposed to work (but kept having accidents on me.... ah kriminey), potty prizes and stickers and underwear and candy and whathaveyou. I might blow a gasket. Esp. since it's not like we're made of money. I want to do this now, you are soo ready, I am not too big yet. We have 3 months to get this down and good before your life is dramatically changed. This is our window. Please go easy on me. Work with me? I might just get you your own scooter so you don't have to fight over Conrad's anymore.

Asleep

First night "officially" sharing a room, and they decided to share the bed, too!

After an hour and a half, their banter and giggles quieted down. I feel like I could write a poem about the sweetness in this picture!!!! :)

Do I dare mention how I didn't fix Amelia right after taking the picture? Uh, she fell off the bed about 3 minutes later. Didn't wake up!!!! LOL. Went right back to sleep when I laid her in her own bed. Silly kids.

big steps

I gave Amelia a haircut today. I'm kind of embarassed to be posting these pictures on here. It's my first attempt, OK? We're gonna let it grow again, and then maybe try to do a better job later. I cut about 2 inches off the back and sides, then I tried to blend it... but that just made it worse!
Amelia went pee in the potty!!!!!!!!!! First time! She's been "practicing"sitting on the potty probably 2 or 3 times a day, but nothing ever happens. This afternoon she went- and oh my gosh I was thrilled! Like music to my ears. Hahaha, only for a mom.

I put Amelia in Conrad's room. She's done awesome with the toddler bed. She goes to bed great. Except for the few times when she's come in my room in the middle of the night just kind of sleep walking she's done great. I have this feeling baby #3 is going to be ... um... interesting... she moves a TON. To the point where I just want to tell her to settle down. Maybe it's just this stage of my pregnancy? But I don't remember Conrad or Amelia moving as much as this one. Anyway, so I felt inspired to have the baby be in her own room. This will give me and the kids time to get used to that set-up long before baby girl comes. It feels good to have them in the same room. I just checked on them (Amelia is a chatter box, despite missing her nap today) and Amelia is in Conrad's bed. They wanted to sleep in the same bed. They looked so cute, their little faces tucked in side by side.

Until next time, I'll be complaining of a sore butt/back/hips/legs. And potty-training. :)

Just wanting a new post

Those sleeping piglets on the post below aren't that cute. I'm getting tired of seeing that picture pop up on my blog!!! :)
Here's Amelia when she was about 2 months old. I can't help but wonder what baby girl #2 will look like. I'm pretty sure we have the name picked out for her, but we don't want to spill the beans. We'd like to wait until she's born to officially name her, but I'm so glad to have that task taken care of. Josh and I have both felt so good about this name, I would LOVe to share it with you, in fact I'm dying to, but we feel good about waiting until she's born. It's nice to think about what we're going to call her, I am feeling a bond already, and I needed that. Amelia was such a joy to have brought into our family, I was worried that I wasn't feeling that same excitement when I found out it was a girl!!! I still sometimes find myself thinking about the boy coming in January! So silly. Anyway, there is a special place for our next baby girl, it brings tears to my eyes, I am so excited.
Conrad and McKall, about 1 1/2 years ago. Lea and the girls were visiting family in Omaha, and just decided to drive down (3 hours)to see us. McKall's been on my mind. The Leukemia treatment phase right now is rough. It makes my heart hurt to see her lose her hair, and be feeling so crummy. I feel so bad for her and her family. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have an immediate family member going through chemo and be so sick. She is so brave though!!!! It is comforting to see a 4-year old be so strong and brave while being so gosh darn sick. McKall, you are an inspiration to me. In the picture below Conrad was trying to give Mac a hug goodbye, she wouldn't have of it! :)

There's been a lot of news going around. Good news for Hark. (you know who you are). Good luck to Alyssa having surgery on Thursday, I hope it really is not a big deal. And the worst kind of news for my cousin Casey. (His wife of about 2 months passed away yesterday.) Love you Casey. I pray that you can get through this and survive. I know you don't read this, but you're on my mind and in my prayers. Both mine and Josh's. What a shock.

I had a difficult-ish day. Amelia woke up throwing up. I really wished Josh was there to help me clean up her bed at 5 am. I realize now how lucky I am that that was the worst part of my day.

Red Barn Farm

Sleeping Piglets
Loud Geese

Toting the tots in the wheelbarrow

Feeding a goat

Goat.

My perfectest picture ever of my kids

Cute.

Me and the kids.

at the Zoo

We had a busy day. Everyday has been busy, but when it entails the Mama doing the hauling it requires extra attention that it was a busy day. I walked these 2 little's around the zoo. I may or may not have sat down in the wagon and begged for a ride at one point. Ok, I didn't. But I think I should have.
WHAT WE SAW: the name was something unlike "PIG" but we saw this cool creature. It grunted a lot and tried to make friends with Amelia when she was right next to the fence. She ran away.

You see these little "acorn" nut-like seeds?

Some guy was throwing them into these Orangutan's cage. And they were eating them. And 1 mama Orangutan was practically communicating with this guy. I watched him ask her to throw him a stick. She looked around, found a stick, and tossed it to him!!! Unbelievably awesome. I asked him, "Are you a monkey trainer?" He said he wasn't, the orangutan was just making friends. I would not have been surprised if this Orangutan waved back at me. It was so neat! The orangutan's eyes strangely reminded me of my Grandpa Call. Brown, with a puppy-dog look about them. I'm talking about the one on the left.

Sweet little baby orangutan.

We fed some sheep. They are moochers. They've been classically conditioned that whenever someone walks to the sheep-feeder they all stop what they're doing and huddle around you and your handful of sheep food. Also, here is my 24 week belly. At the Dr.'s office today I found out the placenta is anterior. Kind of interesting. Nothing harmful, just that there's a pillow of placenta right by my stomach rather than by my spine. I thought I was just extra squishy/chubby. Maybe I am. I did gain the predicted 10 lbs afterall.

So many puns I could say with the photos of my kids feeding the sheep.

Missed you, Josh. :/

What up

Conrad saying his goodbye's to Josh on Sunday. I don't remember, but it looks like Conrad is explaining something he's conjured up and it makes no sense to Josh. But, he is playing along.

It feels like a lot has happened in the 2 days and almost 3 nights since Josh left. My survival skills are to blame. I turn into a different person. Normally I am lazy. Since Josh has left I've kept myself as busy as I can, filling my time. I don't want to brag and say all that I've done, like ya know, helped with World Peace and stuff. My kids have had milestones (and so have I!) so I need to document. I bought a twin size mattress set and frame for Conrad off Craigslist today. No more toddler bed for him! It was definitely time. Amelia has adopted the toddler bed, and went to bed so well. What a relief. She goes to bed so well now. As long as she doesn't have a nap during the day... we'll run errands in the afternoon, then she'll have herself a cat nap and recharge for a few more hours. That's probably not the very best for her, but she'll make up for it at night and sleep 13-14 hours.

The kids had a dentist appointment on Monday. Conrad was super nervous. He is sooo painfully shy. Cling to my hand, won't let it go-type of shy. In the end he was AWESOME. Our student dentist neighbor was great, he took so much time warming him up. Amelia, well, we just had a lap exam where she sits on my lap, lays back into the dentist's lap and they do a quick check/count. The look on her face was so sad to me. Like she was zoning out, trying to cope with this terror. All in all, it was fine. Their teeth are good. All teeth there and accounted for. (20!)

I am growing up. When Josh leaves I stop whining and just deal with the demands that are placed in front of me. I have no choice. Of course, the kids go to bed at 7 so I can look forward to some time to myself. ALSO, it's only day 2 of Josh's absence.

I get so tired of the questions Conrad asks me. I've gotten more patient. Or maybe he's learned that when I say, "Conrad, enough questions!!!" to be quiet for a few minutes or change the subject. Either way it's more bearable.

I have a Dr.'s appointment tomorrow. I haven't been weighed for 8 weeks and I'm terrified of what that scale is going to say. Especially after looking to the side of my keyboard and seeing the pile of candy wrappers. 3 boxes of dots, 7 tootsie rolls.

Josh, we are so happy to call you "ours." I am so glad you've decided a 4-hour-drive is not too bad, in order to come home on weekends. Missing you, my sweetcheeks.

Check

My blog is updated with all that happened the last week in Utah. You will have seen all of the new posts by the time you get to the post with Conrad making spaghetti.

We are home, safe and sound. At least, we all WERE home until Josh left today for his rotation in Tulsa. We are still safe and sound.

I didn't think it would be that great to be home, here in KC. I was surprised with how great it is. I was beginning to feel like I was in a slump. Not having my normal responsibilities and household to run was making me feel less-than-good.

Back in the saddle again. :)